Glacial Mermaids

Hello Everyone!

Yesterday marked my one month anniversary of being a Maine Islander.I have a few stories to tell, so to not waste any words…

This morning I did something stupid- I joined the dip of the month club. It's an all-female event and the woman I did it with is HARD CORE. She's the island's only lobsterwoman and is the type that doesn't speak often, but when she does, you had better listen! So there we were, standing on the shore. I didn't bring a bathing suit to Maine because who freaking swims in Maine? They have icebergs! Well, I decided to wear shorts and a tank top and just when I made up my mind that this was a big mistake, I hear "GO!" and down we both ran towards the water- officially crossing over into the realm of masochism/insanity. Ankles, shins, knees, thighs, PAIN!!!, stomach, BOOB HURT!!!, and then my head was submerged.I'm pretty sure that my hair grew an extra half-inch due to the massive goose-bumps that must have risen out of my scalp. Then I found myself dog paddling back to shore, no doubt a sub-conscious effort to save my "lady parts" before they suffered serious and permanent frostbite. Total time in water= 1 minute.

Speaking of lady parts, I was at a potluck the other night and while I was eating in the living room, I couldn't help but notice all of the mermaids in the house. Paintings, sculptures, clocks…you name it. Well there was one particular mermaid that was obnoxiously mocking me from her post on the wall and Floriana must have seen me staring at it and said to me: "McKinley (her son whose house we were in) is a breast man. His wife only lets him admire mermaid cleavage, all others are off limits." I guess a shrine to the bountifully bosomed mermaid is better than spending all your time at Hooters.

I recently caught myself calling a lobster boat in the harbor with a shiny green hull "sexy." I'm pretty sure it's normal for women to call sports cars sexy, even sailboats …but lobster boats??? I must be sick. In an industry centered on men who smell like fish and go to bed by 8, I've managed to find sex appeal in lobster boats. Perhaps I've come down with some Yankee version of Island Fever.Never in my life has a scallop or oyster boat had this effect on me. If ever one of you catches me talking about the sleek lines, wide decks and masterfully tooled engines of lobster boats, hit me- please.

Last but not least, I heard a story last weekend about a special Newfoundland dog on the mainland. For those of you who are unfamiliar, a Newfoundland is ENORMOUS- 160 pounds, long hair, and a slobber machine. Anyways, he pays regular visits to the primary school library where kids read to him/climb on him. One little boy with a stuttering problem was reading out loud and he got hung up on a sentence. The dog apparently lost patience and wanted the boy to move on, so he licked the boy's entire face in one slimy swoop. The boy stopped stuttering for the next 30 minutes! Hahaha- perhaps a slap in the face by a certain mermaid would cure the boy for good…

Alright, well that concludes the update. Oh! On Friday Leonardo Dicaprio was on the Island. He's filming something on a nearby Island and must have decided to do a day-visit over. Nobody cared, and that's why I love this place.

Take care everyone!

-Eliza